Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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