Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
