Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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