Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I still have a little drunk in my system
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
