I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
