I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
