It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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