We're facebook friends in real life
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
