I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
