Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize