Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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