I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
