so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
