Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
