you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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