All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
