this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
