this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
