This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
