Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
