she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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