I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
