dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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