Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
