Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
