Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
