If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
