She is in my trunk
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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