Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
