There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
