I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
