Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
