so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
