I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
