then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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