There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
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He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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