Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
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just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
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We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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