I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
