I hope mine doesn't look like that
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
