shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
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