piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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