it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
