you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
