mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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