took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
