you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
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I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
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You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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