dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
