He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
