I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
