Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
