I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
