your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Four minutes until I can fart!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
