At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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