Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
