Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize