...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
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Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
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The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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