What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
