I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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