You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
