it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
