She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
