You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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