Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
