I hate all girls vehemently.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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